There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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