So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
