No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize