Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize