i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
