where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
someone threw a dead crab at me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
