He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
