Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
