when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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