so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
