ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
