Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
