found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am naked and annoyed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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