I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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