I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
