One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
