Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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