Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
