I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
