he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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