Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
no, he came in my armpit
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
