You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
