Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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