I just made out with a guy for $7.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
