Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
