wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize