i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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