I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
