ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
