see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
