I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
