Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
