Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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