can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just threw up on my dentist
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
