I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
