I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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