Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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