Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
