Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
