I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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