Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
