Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
