i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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