I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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