we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
