I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize