can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
