She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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