Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
