Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just crazy horny about you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
