I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
