some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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