so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
