You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize