Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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