You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
