I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ttyl tear gas
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
