and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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