she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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