All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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