great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
