I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
