when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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