My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
