If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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