At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize