it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just cropdusted the office
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
