Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
