she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
