You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
