I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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