i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
