I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
